There is a zombie in my house. It is creeping along in a fog mumbling incoherent thoughts and bumping into things. Sometimes it lashes out for no apparent reason or lies in bed for hours and hours and hours. It is a lazy lump, quite useless and taking up valuable real estate and resources. It really deserves to be put out of its misery.
Yeah, yeah, the ‘zombie’ on our house is none other than good ole’ me – stuck in one of the most stubborn pits of depression I have ever been in.
Billy has been obsessed with zombies for a couple of years now. He has zombie apocalypse kits stashed around the house in various places. When he hears sirens they aren’t warnings of natural disaster, they are warnings of impending brain eating zombies heading our way. He is certain he knows how to protect me – and the rest of us – should foamy mouthed crazy people start banging on our doors, and he will show almost anyone his ninja style moves to prove it.
How do I explain to him that the zombie is already in his house?
This depression low is different in so many ways. I have been through enough ‘ups and downs’ that I could feel the ‘down’ coming. I knew that I needed to talk to my doctor. I knew I needed to watch what I was eating and consider supplements as well as try my new hand at my newest weapon – my Young Living Essential Oils. I did all my research.
It started with the sleep as it always does. I could not get enough of it. No amount of going to bed early, not amount of sleeping in, no piles of cat naps could ever be enough. You see, when you sleep, it all goes away. Usually. No fear. No anxiety. No sadness. No hurt. So when someone is sleeping all of the time, you can be certain something is wrong.
My doctor gently suggested that a mix of medication and counseling was most effective, especially since we are running out of medication options, now that the latest increase has put me at the max dosage. Of course I thought, “What is wrong with me that even medication can’t fix?” But I said, “I have been seeing counselors almost the whole time I have been taking medication.” She simply nodded empathetically and said “Oh, good.”
With an increase in dosage I could feel the ‘fog’ in my head become thicker. It’s almost like I am surrounded by a clear plastic box filled with thick fog or cloudy water. Everything is dull and a bit more slow and less vibrant.
I decided to try to increase my energy with supplements, so I added a bunch of D and B vitamins, Omega 3s and a strong multivitamin to my daily routine as well as increasing my protein and water intake by a lot and decreasing my caffeine and sugar. This did help a little for a short time but after a few short weeks it seemed as if my body became used to the new routine and any energy I had gained seemed to disappear. I am still using the routine but I am not certain if it is still helping and it never helped with the foggy feeling.
I love my Young Living Essential Oils. Nightly I use Cedarwood on my feet to help me fall asleep, Lavender on my wrists and temples to help calm me down and push away anxiety. I also diffuse Lavender at night to help me sleep more soundly. At work I diffuse Peace & Calming to keep my anxiety down. However, my beloved oils, though soothing, are not as effective right now.
It’s the zombie in me. I don’t feel like myself at all.
There’s very little joy. And I have so much to be joyful for.
I’m so mean to those I love. And they are so kind to me. I don’t feel deserving.
I am missing out on so much. I want happy back.
I need the zombie out of my house.
Billy, mom needs your zombie apocalypse kit!